Maintaining self-esteem

Self-esteem is an important thing to maintain. It can help us be happier and more resilient.

Some things that might make you feel bad about yourself during your years at school:

• Not doing as well at school as you’d like to, or feeling “stupid”
• Feeling unhappy with the way you look
• Feeling like your friends don’t really like you, or like other people better

I think that all negative self-esteem more often than not comes down to comparing ourselves to others – others who we admire or are envious of, and who we see we’re not like in a certain way.

It is much easier said than done that you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Although it’s a gradual process (I know I’m still learning it!) it’s something that will make you much happier with your life and who you are.

If you’re having a lot of negative thoughts about yourself, stop and consider whether comparing yourself to what others are doing is an appropriate response for an intelligent and special person! Even this simple acknowledgement of why you’re feeling this way can help you to overcome the negative feelings a little.

Just as important as it is to not talk your self-esteem down, it’s also not helpful to make yourself feel better by dragging others down. For example, if you’re feeling unhappy about the way you look, it’s definitely not helpful to think, “Well, I might have bad hair, but he has bad skin”. All you are doing is getting caught up in the cycle of comparing yourself to others, which is hot helpful or productive at all.

We all have something different and great to offer, so it’s important to remind yourself regularly that there are plenty of reasons why you’re interesting, fun, smart or a great friend. It is also useful to remind your friends of the reasons why they are special too. Everyone likes to feel that they are admired for who they are, and if you can promote a caring culture amongst your friendship group you will find that the respect becomes mutual.

Often achievements can affect our self-esteem, so something that can help is to set reasonable personal goals. Your goals shouldn’t be based on what others are doing, and they should be reasonable enough for you to achieve. So if you’ve really been struggling with a subject, you shouldn’t aim to get an A+ on the next test. However, you could set a goal of improving on your score from the last test. With a little hard work and concerted effort, you may achieve some quick wins, all of which will go to building your level of satisfaction.

You could also remind yourself of some of the positive things you’ve done. While it can feel silly or self-absorbed to think about good things you’ve done, it’s also a good idea to remind yourself that you’re not a bad person! Take a break and think of three good things you’ve done, like “I’ve been really supportive of my best friend recently”, “I wrote three essays this week”, or “I made a delicious dinner for my family yesterday”. The word ‘self’ relates to you, the person, so if you can’t say something good about yourself, then who can? The good news is I bet you won’t have to think hard about wonderful things you have done for yourself and others.

It’s also important to be able to embrace and overcome mistakes and failures. We’re all going to do something we’re not proud of or wish we’d done differently. It’s important to realise that a mistake doesn’t define who you are. It’s also important to reflect on what went wrong so that you try to improve in the future.

No discussion on this topic would be complete without discussing the need to learn to like the way you look and its role in building your self-esteem. The first thing to remember is that your appearance doesn’t define who you are, and there are much more important things that you will be valued for by those closest to you, such as being hardworking and/or a good friend. It’s important to appreciate that your body has a purpose other than the way it looks. However, if you wish to make some healthy changes to your lifestyle, then ‘yes’ you can set body-related goals, just make sure they are about what you can do, rather than what you look like. This could be something like “I want to be able to run 6 kilometres” or “I want to be able to climb the 1000 Steps”.

Finally, take a good look around you because if you’re around people who put you down or make you feel especially bad about yourself, it might be a good idea to limit your time with them and change your environment. Avoid spending time with them if you can, or if you are comfortable enough to do something about it, then standing up for yourself when they say something negative will demonstrate to them that you respect who you are.

To learn more about how you can take control and improve your self-esteem refer to this page for more tips.

Nobody can overcome negative feelings about themselves entirely. We all have days where we don’t feel like we’ve been the best version of ourselves. But the journey to positive self-esteem will help you feel happier in the long run.

The importance of resilience

Resilience is an important skill to have, but it’s one a lot of us struggle with. When something bad happens, it can feel insurmountable and prevent us concentrating on anything else for the rest of the day.

There are a number of issues you might face during school that will test your resilience, such as getting a bad mark, fighting with a friend or family member, feeling like you’re not getting anywhere in your studies, or having no idea what you want to do when you finish school.

Resilience helps us overcome the more difficult times in our life and helps us work through our problems in a reasonable way. We won’t all be successful all the time, so it’s important to be able to deal with the big or small things life throws at us.

You might say something like “I’m just not very good at dealing with my problems” or “I often overreact”. But resilience is not only based on our personality and characteristics. It’s also influenced by contextual factors, such as having a great support network and stable accommodation and finances. While you might not have the power to change these factors, there are some things you can do to improve your resilience.

Improving your resilience is not a quick fix – it requires long-term effort, and you might not improve straight away.

When something bad happens, you want to be able to think things through clearly. Try to take the time to engage with your problems rationally, rather than reacting emotionally. You can also think the problem through and analyse whether it’s really as bad as you think. If your brain immediately jumps to catastrophic situations, see if you can create an alternative scenario in your head. One thing I like to do is think, “Will this problem matter tomorrow? In one month? What about in a year?” This can help put some things into perspective.

When something unpleasant happens, you can also try to take action. Some people become paralysed by their problems, and find that when something goes wrong, they react by doing nothing. While you should certainly stop and think about what’s happened, you should also try to take some kind of action to overcome or work around the issue, and learn some strategies to boost your resilience to the situation.

You can also work on some things over a longer period of time that will help you to develop strategies for promoting resilience and developing self-awareness of your emotions and how you react. Start by reading this information page from Kids Helpline. Use the strategies listed as a starting point to digging deeper into how they might be able to help you. A great place to start is by asking someone you respect how he or she copes. Asking someone you have a strong connection with is a good place to start, because often how they deal with situations should resonate with you.

Learning to accept change as a normal part of life can help you adjust to different situations and problems more easily. Learning to become more optimistic by keeping a positive view of yourself and the world around you also helps you move on from small problems.

It’s also a good idea to practice self-care so that when something testing does happen, you are better equipped to deal with it. This includes things like sleeping well, eating healthily, getting some exercise, maintaining positive relationships, or even something small like having a bath or reading a book.

When uneasy things do happen, take the time to reflect on what happened and how you dealt with it. Even if you didn’t react in a way you would like to repeat, you can learn from that mistake. If you got a bad mark and reacted by ignoring that subject altogether, you can start fresh today by choosing to study that subject. If you had a fight with a friend, you can learn from the situation by thinking what you wouldn’t do next time you’re in a similar situation.

It’s also important to remember that even though being resilient and looking out for yourself is a great skill to have, you should also ask for help if you need it. Your family, friends and school will provide assistance if you’re struggling. Or you can seek advice from Kids Helpline by calling 1800 55 1800.

Overcoming Frustration

When you’re studying hard for a long period of time, you might start to feel burnt out and frustrated, and your workload might feel completely insurmountable.

Sometimes we may lament that “There is so much to do that I’ll never get it all done – I may as well do nothing”. This is understandable, but unhelpful in the long term. Instead, follow some of these tips so that you can find the drive to go on and overcome the frustration of feeling like you’re stuck in a rut.

• Set achievable goals. If you’re writing a list or thinking about what you want to achieve in a day, don’t expect too much from yourself. This isn’t an excuse to do one small task and call it a day, but you do need to set goals that you can reasonably achieve. Achieving every task you set yourself to do in a day gives you a great feeling of accomplishment. Setting achievable goals on a consistent basis will also prevent you from getting burnt out.

• Break work down into small chunks. If you know that you’re super behind in chemistry, try not to think about the enormous amount of work you need to do to catch up. Instead, you can break it into smaller sections and focus on completing one section at a time.

• Study in short blocks. Know the amount of time you can reasonably concentrate without a break – this might be one hour, for example. There’s no way you can concentrate for five hours straight. Schedule breaks throughout a study session, and don’t make your breaks longer than the scheduled time.

• Save your easiest tasks for the end of the day. When you’re tired after an hour or two of really good study, it can be tempting to completely switch off. But at the end of the day you could also quickly do a small task that isn’t too much of a mental strain. This could be some kind of repetitive task like revising vocabulary for your LOTE subject. The flipside to this is making sure you do your trickiest work at the beginning, when your mind is fresh.

• Make your study space a study sanctuary. I find that when I’m particularly unmotivated, it helps to make my study space as nice as possible. This makes it feel like somewhere I want to spend time. Light a scented candle. Put some flowers in a vase or move a houseplant into your space. Play some instrumental background music, if this isn’t too distracting for you. Make a special flavour of tea in your best cup.

• Look after yourself. Try to make your breaks positive. For a short break, make a fun, healthy snack, like a fruit and veggie smoothie. For a longer break, go for a walk, run or swim. If you’re studying in front of a screen, try not to take breaks in front of a screen as well.

• Remember that things will be better tomorrow. If you’re feeling frustrated or sad about your studies, remember that things will be better after a good night’s sleep. If you’re really not getting anything done, try to go to bed early.

Overcoming lack of motivation

Author: Chris Ebbs

It can be difficult to stay motivated for long periods of time, and during year 12 this can become a real problem. It’s important to maintain motivation so that you can keep studying at a consistent level throughout the year. However, when the end feels too far away, it can be tricky to push yourself to study as much as you might want or need to. Here are 5 tricks you can try in order to stay motivated throughout the school year.

The ‘just do it’ method. For some people, the hardest part is getting started. They might need a lot of convincing to get off the couch and to sit at a desk, but once they’ve got their books in front of them, the actual study part isn’t so bad. If this sounds like you, then remember to ‘just do it’ and you’ll thank yourself for it later. You might want to set a time that you promise to be at your desk every morning or ask a family member to help you get motivated to start. For best effects, remember to wear your fave Nike gear.

Work first, have fun later. This is an important trick to keep practising throughout your life. Once you start doing something fun, it can feel impossible to drag yourself away from it to get back to your desk. However, if you finish everything you were planning to first, then watching that tv show or meeting up with your friend will be so much sweeter.

The reward method. This is a similar concept to ‘have fun later’, but it’s much more defined. For some people, creating specific rewards for completing certain tasks really helps them get through it. If you study for an hour you could reward yourself with a snack. For the whole day you could watch the latest episode of your show. It’s also a good idea to have bigger rewards: for doing a SAC you could buy yourself something you’ve had your eye on for a while. And then make sure you have some kind of reward in mind for finishing year 12 – maybe your parents will take you out for dinner or you can plan a fun day with your friends.

Study with a friend. Some people can’t study well with others (I know I can’t). But some find that this helps them keep going. For this to work, you need to know that your friend isn’t going to distract you (and make sure that you’re not distracting them either!) But having a friend around can make the experience more fun, and also help you stay motivated as you learn together. If they’re studying, you might feel bad about taking a break and power through an extra hour. You can also help explain key concepts to each other if you’re studying any of the same subjects.

Go to a library. While having a consistent study space can help get you in the zone, sometimes a change of scene is just what you need. At home, there can be a lot of distractions, and if you’re alone in your study space, there is less accountability about taking extremely extended ‘breaks’. Going to a library is perfect – it’s quiet, lots of other people are studying, and you can usually turn the Internet on and off depending on whether you need to use it or you need to avoid distractions. (You could combine this one with Study with a friend.)

Dealing with stress

Author: Chris Ebbs

School can be stressful, particularly during year 12 when there are all sorts of expectations and goals you want to meet. But finding ways to manage your stress will help you be much more successful. It’ll also help you be healthier and happier!

• Sleep. I’m sure you’ve noticed that being tired seems to make everything worse. It also makes it harder to study and harder to make decisions. Sleep is an important part of the learning process, as it can help commit things you’ve learnt to memory. Teenagers need more sleep than adults, so see if you can go to bed half an hour earlier tonight. Sleep can help you cope with everything else going on in your life, and can be a simple way to improve your health.

• Exercise. Exercising is obviously good for your physical health, but it’s also good for your mental health. It can improve sleep, and if done regularly, can help you cope directly with stress. Go for a run or a swim, join a sports team, go for a walk with your friend, pet or family, or dance around your room.

• Extracurriculars. Activities outside of school aren’t just something to put on your resume. It’s a good idea to have a variety of activities going on in your life. This could be something like playing an instrument or playing a sport. Even a part-time job can be a good distraction from the other things happening in your life. It doesn’t even have to be as formal as going to a piano lesson. You could create some art or get really into looking after your pot plants. Anything that’s getting you away from study for something else positive is a good way to cope with stress.

• Say no. On the flipside of extracurricular activities, sometimes you have to cut down what’s going on in your life. If you’ve taken on too many shifts at work or you’re trying to make the Olympic team, it’ll probably be hard to stay focused on study. If succeeding at school is your goal, sometimes you’ll have to cut back on some of the other things in your life in order to manage your stress levels.

• Talk to positive people in your life. Stay connected to your friends – don’t stop hanging out with them because you need to study all the time. Positive relationships can help create a sense of belonging, increase happiness and reduce stress. Your family is also an important part of your support network. They can help you cope with all the things you have to do when you’re stressed, whether it’s being there for a chat or letting you off your chores for the week.

• Just do it. The homework that’s adding to your stress won’t provide stress once it’s done! Some of your stress could be reduced by sitting down at your desk and completing a task. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with something you know you can do. Ticking things off your to-do list can give you a real sense of achievement.

• Get help if you need it. If stress is really taking over your life and you feel like you’re not coping or it’s affecting your health, talk to someone about it. You can start with a trusted friend, family member or teacher. You can also talk to a school counsellor or nurse, or find a professional counsellor or psychologist. Headspace is a great place to check out if you need some help with your mental health.